Stop.

“Stop.

With the eloquence of a dagger stuck inside my back you utter these words, these knives, these bullets entering my chest, my neurons, knot by knot, they travel light, no package needed to weigh a ton, weighing down on every step of brilliance reduced to one single drop, one tear, on tear through the fabric my conscious weaves through heart, through soul, through the molecules that make me me, splitting atoms on their way to the core, the little grain of brain where pain is born.

Stop.

My armor is worn out, rusty, tired from fighting off these swords, cutting through the air around my head, with rolling thunder in my ears and lightning in my eyes, and cut, cut, cut, they smear the blood dripping from this chrystal made of emerald and ruby and opal and pieces of my mirrored heart and cut, and kill, and smile, as I say

Stop.”

This poem was written spontaneously in a Facebook post, like many of my old poems, and as a spontaneous outlet written in hurt anger at a very unstable connection and short relationship in my life. Many of my old writings are negative outlets, and looking back through them, I can appreciate my words but also see how for a long time I attracted these types of connections and instability. Good people, but very unhealthy for me. I have since understood why I was and am so drawn to them, and have a different way to handle and much faster way to walk away from these things now. And parts of me feel ashamed for this past and all the pain I went through, unnecessarily, and also the times I got it wrong, overreacted or spiraled, getting stuck on the wrong things. So much would not have been necessary, had I understood about myself then, what I do now.

I thoroughly believe that good poetry is about raw honesty and authenticity. It’s one of the differences between illustration and art to me. Where Illustration is goal, client and project oriented, what art has to be is real and ruthlessly honest. I embrace the darkness, wear my old words proudly, and see the things that were overcome as what it is. A beautiful demonstration of growth.

Thank you for reading.